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Saturday, April 2, 2011

jom bace : Did u Know ? 5 love language




nak share....ape itu bahasa chenta...@ LOVE language ...
sebab LT selalu cakap dekat orang..yang LT kenal..
my LOVE tank today is ZERO.....
tapi...
bukan d penulis nya...
nih stock copy paste...
tapi sumber telah dinyatakan:)
komen LT kat bawah sekali...


The Five Languages of Love
Author: Gary Chapman
Publisher: Northfield Publishing
Copyright year: 1995
ISBN: 1-881273-15-6

  • We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.

  • People speak different love languages.
Ex. A man was constantly affirming words to his wife when he told her how beautiful she was, he loved her, how proud he was to be her husband. He was speaking love and he was sincere, but she did not understand his language. Maybe she was looking for love in his behavior and didn’t see it. Being sincere is not enough.

  • We tend to speak our primary emotional love language and we become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating.

  • If we want our spouse to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in their primary love language.
Love language # 1: Words of Affirmation



One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build the other person up. Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other. Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as: “You look so sharp in that suit”. The author does not recommend verbal flattery in order to get something you want. The object of love is not getting something you want, but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to reciprocate and do something our spouse desires.Another dialect is encouraging words – or to “inspire courage”. Perhaps your spouse has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. That potential may be awaiting your encouraging words. Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to them. If we are to communicate love verbally, we must use kind words. Sometimes our words are saying one thing, but our tone of voice is saying another. If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants. The way we express those desires, is all important. Use humble words. Love makes requests, not demands. If they come across as demands, we have erased the possibility of intimacy and will drive our spouse away. A request introduces the element of choice. Love is always a choice – that is what makes it meaningful. A request creates the possibility for an expression of love, whereas a demand suffocates that possibility. Words of affirmation are one of the five basic love languages. Within that language there are manydialects a few of which have been discussed. All of the dialects have in common the use of words to affirm one’s spouse.


Love Language #2: Quality Time

Quality time means looking at each other and talking, giving your undivided attention. That twenty or more minutes of time will never be had again: we are giving our lives to each other. It is a powerful communicator of love. A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. Togetherness has to do with focused attention. The activity is incidental. The important thing emotionally is spending focused time with each other. The activity is the vehicle that creates the sense of togetherness. Like words of affirmation, the language of quality time has many dialects. One of the most common is that of quality conversation. This means sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. Quality conversation is quite different from the first love language. Words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are hearing. One person will ask questions, not in a badgering manner but with a genuine desire to understand the thoughts, feelings, and desires of their partner. We are trained to analyze problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve. A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and desires. We must be willing to give advice but only when it is requested and never in a condescending manner. Most of us have little training in listening. We are far more efficient in thinking and speaking.

Here are some practical tips on good listening:

1. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking
2. Don’t listen to your spouse and do something at the same time
3. Listen for feelings
4. Observe body language
5. Refuse to interrupt

Quality conversation requires not only sympathetic listening but also self-revelation. This doesn’t come easy for some people. By the time we have reached adulthood, many of us have learned to deny our feelings. We are no longer in touch with our emotional selves. If you need to learn the language of quality conversations, begin by noting the emotions you feel away from home. Write down your feelings in a note pad and a word or two to help you remember the event corresponding to the feeling. Do that exercise three times a day, and you will develop an awareness of your emotional nature. Eventually you will feel comfortable discussing your emotions toward your spouse. Remember, emotions themselves are neither good nor bad. They are simply our psychological responses to the events of life. Another dialect of quality time is quality activities. The emphasis is on being together, doing things together, giving each other undivided attention. Quality activities may include anything in which one or both of you has an interest. The activities are limited only by your interest and willingness to try new experiences. The essential ingredients in a quality activity are:

1) At least one of you wants to do it.
2) The other is willing to do it
3) both of you know why you are doing it – to express love by being
together.

One of the by-products of quality activities is that they provide a memory bank from whic to draw in the years ahead.

Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts

A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say “Look, he was thinking of me,” or “She remembered me”. The gift is a symbol of thought and the thought remains not only in the mind but is expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as an expression of love. Gifts are visual symbols of love and symbols have emotional value. Visual symbols are more important to some people than to others. To the individual whose primary language is receiving gifts, the cost of the gift will matter little, unless it is greatly out of line than you can afford. Gifts can be purchased, found, or made if your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts, you can become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it’s one of the easiest love languages to learn. If your spouse has been critical of your gifts in the past and almost nothing you have given has been acceptable, then receiving gifts is almost certainly not her/his primary love language.

If you are a saver, you will experience emotional resistance to the idea of spending money as an expression of love. But that attitude fails to recognize that you are purchasing things for yourself. Purchasing gifts for a spouse whose primary love language is receiving gifts is the best investment you can make. You are investing in your relationship and filling your love’s emotional love tank, and with a full love tank, he or she will likely reciprocate emotional love to you in a language you will understand. There is an intangible gift that sometimes speaks more loudly than a gift that can be held in one’s hand. This is the gift of self or the gift of presence. Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts. If the physical presence of your spouse is important to you, verbalize that – don’t expect him/her to read your mind. Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spiritof giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our spouse, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest.


Love Language #4: Acts of Service

Acts of service means doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her. These acts require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. When this is the primary language of one’s spouse, he may have expectations of what you would do if you loved him. No one likes to be forced to do anything. Love is always freely given and cannot be demanded. We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.
After years of research, the author realized that seldom did he meet a couple who both have the same love language. Even if a couple does have the same language they may be speaking different dialects. For example, two people who share the primary language of acts of service may have been doing things for each other but not the most important things. What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage. Before marriage we are carried along by the force of the in-love obsession.

After marriage, we revert to being the people we were before we “fell in love”. Our actions are influenced by the model of our parents, our own personality, our perceptions of love, our emotions, needs, and desires. Only one thing is certain about our behavior: it will not be the same behavior we exhibited when we were caught up in being “in love”. Love is a choice and cannot be coerced. Each of us must choose daily to love or not to love our spouses. If we choose to love, then expressing it in the way in which our spouse requests will make our
love most effective emotionally. A spouse’s criticism about behavior provides the clearest clue to her primary love language. People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love. Learning the love language of acts of service will require some of us to reexamine our stereotypes of the roles of husbands and wives.

Love Language #5: Physical Touch

We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Numerous research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: babies, who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods without physical contact.

Physical touch is a powerful vehicle for communicating martial love. For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse. Sexual intercourse is only one dialect in the love language of physical touch. The touch of love may take many forms. Don’t make the mistake that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to her. Love touches may be explicit and demand your full attention such as a back rub or sexual foreplay, culminating in intercourse. On the other hand, love touches may be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on his shoulder when you pour a cup of coffee. Touching each other when you leave the house and again when you return may involve only a brief kiss or hug but will speak volumes to your spouse. Once you discover that physical touch is the primary language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination in ways to express love.Almost instinctively in a time of crisis, we hug one another. Why? Because physical touch is a powerful communicator of love. In a time of crisis, more than anything, we need to feel loved. If your spouse’s primary language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries. Crises provide a unique opportunity for expressing love.


There are two kinds of people who may have difficulty discovering their primary love language. The first is the individual whose emotional tank has been full for a long time. The second is the individual whose love tank has been empty for so long that he doesn’t remember what makes him feel loved. Write down what you think is your primary love language. Then list the other four in order of importance....



letih bace byk :))
nih yang ringkas punye :D

Chapman's Five Emotional Love Languages:

  • Words of Affirmation
    This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate's self image and confidence.
  • Quality Time
    Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.
  • Gifts
    It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.
  • Acts of Service
    Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.
  • Physical Touch
    Sometimes just stroking your spouse's back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.
komen LT :

setiap org ade bahasa cinta masing..kite ade 5 bahase cinta ni... kalau kowang sedar lah...actuall d dapat mase wat kuiz..dgn ade consultant mane ntah...d dapat markah tinggi untuk gift ...so maknenye d gift person...second quality of time...mmg betul pun d mmg suke org bgi hadiah ...lol sorry for saying that so sooN...tapi xbertuah pun nk dpt hadiah...tak semestinye hadiah mahal ok..plzzzzz....mind ur thought muahahahah....kadang2 hadiah sebuah ucapan kat atas kad..thats more than enough if dapat more than that we can call that LUCKY....heheheh,,,,d tak tahu lah kowang bahase cinta ape..actually kowang ley kenal diri kowang sendiri...ini seswai kot tuk pasangan dah berkahwen...tuk memahami pasangan masing2...yelah cth...kalau dah lelaki die jenis act of service,...die suke bini die masak tuk die...gosok baju die...die rase lebey dihargai and luvtank die penuh..makan bini die kene lah paham..so inilah pentingnya 2 way communication....;) kalau dah bini die jenis yg suke sgt physical touch...kalau p mane nak pegang tgn laki die kenalah paham...bukan ape2 dah tuh je buat die rase lovetank die penuh ....so kowang kene lah paham...bahasa cinta sume org tak same...ade org terlebey part act of service...tapi kurang bab word of affirmation..tak reti nak memuji2...konon puji dalam hatije...heheheh.....masalahnye wife kowang mybe seorang yg word of affirmation kowang kene lah bagi die kembang sikit....penat2 die layan....tak gitu....hikhik....kalau wife adalah golongan word..maka bagi lah pujian tak rugi pun...FOC


notakakiku dibibirmu :

LOVE will show YOU the way...
carilah cinta demi keredhaanNYA :)
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